continuous growth? yes, but not like that
In recent years (or maybe the recent decade?) the word "growth" has acquired a certain negative connotation - at least in circles that I consider myself part of or aligned with. As a capitalistic code word, it stands for everything that can be summarized under the "make line go up" paradigm: Pursuing short-term goals while ignoring negative side effects or consequences, hustle culture, the demand for endless self-optimisation and self-improvement, etc. At work, I'm constantly bombarded with this kind of thinking. Everything has to be optimised, made more efficient, streamlined, all to facilitate more and faster growth. I've gotten sick of the word, whenever one of the managers goes into another sermon about how growth is the most important thing I have to try my hardest to not visibly roll my eyes (when I'm in the office, at least).
Ignoring all those things for a moment though, it's not like I'm opposed to the general concept of growth, or continuous growth, even. I want to grow and improve myself as a person. Just ... not like that. As with most things in the world, it's not about the what, but about the how. Yes, the continuous growth of any single organism, without pauses or interruptions, is impossible. But striving for growth doesn't have to mean adopting the "new record profits every quarter" mindset.
When I think about how I want to grow, I think of plants. Trees grow in cycles, stretching a little bit higher every year, spreading their roots just a bit deeper or farther. When winter comes, they conserve energy by dropping their leaves, and wait for spring. Some get toppled by strong winds or become hollowed out, but still produce new branches each year. It's a slow kind of growth that allows for setbacks, periods of rest, and reorientation.
But maybe a single tree is a bit too limited as an analogy, still. In nature, trees form networks with each other and other plants. The most famous example is Pando, a "tree" that consists of thousands of clones, all part of one big organism. But even "regular" trees that aren't clones of each other share nutrients or water, working together with fungi. A single tree may fall and die, but the forest still grows. Decomposers break down the wood, turning it into soil, which becomes rich ground for new plants to take root in - first small ones, then bigger ones, and eventually, another tree. This image of growth as a chaotic, but beautiful mess, with many little births and deaths every day and every season, decentralised, and sustainable, is one that I find very attractive. In a figuratie sense, want my own growth to mimic these patterns, branching out in some areas while letting others rot away, turning them into fertile ground for new things to sprout. I'm not a tree, I am a forest, with all its flora and fauna. Not a single being, in a way, but a multitude of many, containing a whole world that is in itself connected with the worlds of others around me and the environment I inhabit. I grow, but not as a crop to be raised quickly and harvested, but to adapt to my surroundings, become resilient, and find balance.